


To Be a Fighter

by paradoxikay



Category: Loveless
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-02
Updated: 2010-09-02
Packaged: 2017-10-11 10:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/111245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradoxikay/pseuds/paradoxikay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Fighter doesn't need his own opinion. A Fighter doesn't need free will. At seventeen years old, Soubi's mind knows these things, but his heart has yet to truly grasp what it means to be a Fighter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Be a Fighter

**Author's Note:**

> All dialogue is from the Viz translation of volume eight.

"Would you like for it to hurt?"

It already hurts, Soubi thinks. Not the shallow cut down his chest, where Seimei's knife tore through skin as well as cloth - that stings, yes, but it's not _painful_. No, it's the situation that hurts, the knowledge that he is not good enough, strong enough, _something_ enough for Ritsu. He's tried _so hard_, and yet it isn't Ritsu standing before him. It's this... _child_, small and delicate with an innocent smile and innocent ears, and his mere existence is agonizing in a way Ritsu never taught Soubi how to bear.

This child is to be his Sacrifice.

This child is to be his master.

Those words are more painful than any spell Soubi knows, but despite every instinct Ritsu has trained into him he can't counter them with a spell of his own. One doesn't attack one's own Sacrifice, or the person who is to be one's Sacrifice, and Soubi _must_ do what is expected of him.

Maybe if he is perfect enough Seimei will vanish, and Ritsu will take his place.

"Or would you rather it not hurt? It's up to you. Whichever way you prefer."

Maybe it's wrong to think of Seimei as a child, for he _knows_ too much. Nowhere in Soubi's school records is it written that any physical pain Seimei can inflict is far outweighed by the pain in Soubi's head and heart, but as he looks into Seimei's eyes Soubi is sure he already knows. The questions are a formality - a nod towards politeness that fools no one.

And yet Soubi answers.

"Make it hurt."

Because Seimei is to be his master, and he must always answer his master's questions.

"I'd like..."

Because a proper Fighter doesn't let his heart rule his head.

"...to feel the pain."

Because even now that he has been completely and utterly betrayed, Soubi doesn't know how not to yearn for Ritsu's approval.

He is obedient, like Ritsu would want. He tips back his head and bares his throat, closes his eyes so that he doesn't have to see the knife cut through the air, and he lets himself be named. It doesn't matter that it's the _wrong_ name - or rather, it matters very much, but not to Ritsu. Not to Seimei. Not to those whose opinions count.

Soubi is a Fighter, and that means his objections are meaningless.


End file.
